Why We Should Focus On Our Own Relationships And Not Others.
Written by: Deshaun Ferguson, KBEP Educator

What if? What if my relationship was like Jay Z and Beyoncé’s? What if my partner and I could be just as happy as they are? What if we could travel the world just like them?
Have you ever said to yourself “I would be much happier if only my partner did….”? In every relationship there are ups and downs. It’s only during those down times where the doubts begin to slip in and you start to question whether you are able to deal with your partner or walk away. You start to notice that certain things bother you, such as the lack of time that you and your partner spend together. Maybe your partner used to exercise regularly but has now stopped going to the gym. You start to look at other relationships and compare them to your relationship. You say things to your partner like” Well Bridgett goes to the gym and she stays in shape” or “Mike likes to spend quality time with his partner.”
This is when you start comparing your relationship to your friend’s relationship. You may even catch yourself looking at celebrities’ relationships only to post them on Instagram with the hashtag “Relationship Goals.” The truth is as perfect as the relationship between Jay Z and Beyoncé may seem (at least before B released Lemonade), every relationship has its tension. Instead of spending your time daydreaming and comparing your relationship to others, you can be using that precious time to work on strengthening your own relationship.
Your #RelationshipGoals should be meaningful and realistic goals that you set for your own relationship. It is important to understand the value of the relationship that you are in. It is also important to make sure that despite perceived flaws, you and your partner can maintain a healthy relationship of Trust, Honesty and Respect. Relationship goals should not be influenced by a celebrity couple that seems happy doing everyday things. If you are comparing your relationship to your friend’s or someone you know, have an understanding that what works for them may not work for your relationship. The truth is nobody is perfect which means no relationship is perfect. Flaws are just a part of human nature that can be worked on, and conflicts are just two different points of view being expressed. What is right to your partner may not be right to you and that’s okay. The important thing is to develop your own healthy compromise when experiencing tension instead of looking at other relationships that have problems of their own.
Set your goals on things that work for your relationship. Don’t get caught up in what other relationships look like. Most importantly, make sure that the feeling is mutual when setting these goals. It is important to have a goal that both you and your partner want to reach together. Maybe you and your partner want to travel, start a family, buy a house or just want to spend more quality time together. Have a goal that will help further grow your relationship, not a goal based on the “happiness” of a couple in a picture that you saw on Instagram. There is a saying: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” The same goes for a picture that you see on social media. Never judge a relationship because of a picture. It’s about your relationship, setting your goals, and what makes you and your partner happy.