Supporting Survivors of Sexual Assault

What to Say (and Not Say) When Someone Tells You They’ve Been Sexually Assaulted

It’s never easy to know exactly what to say when someone opens up about being sexually assaulted. You might worry about saying the wrong thing or freeze because you don’t know what to do. That’s totally normal, but what matters most is how you show up for them.

The truth is, you probably know someone who’s a survivor of sexual violence, even if they’ve never said anything. Many people stay silent because they’re scared of being judged or blamed. If someone does choose to tell you, that means they trust you. Here’s how you can support them in the best way possible.

1. Believe them.

This one’s huge. Survivors often stay quiet because they fear no one will believe them. The most powerful thing you can say is, “I believe you.” You don’t have to play detective; leave that to the professionals. Your role is to listen and be there.

2. Skip the “why” questions.

Questions like “Why were you there?” or “Why didn’t you fight back?” can sound like blame, even if you don’t mean it that way. Focus on supporting, not questioning.

3. Remind them it’s not their fault.

Survivors often blame themselves, even when they shouldn’t. Remind them, even more than once if needed, that it’s never their fault. No one ever “asks for” or “deserves” assault.

4. Show that you still care.

Some survivors worry that people will see them differently after they share what happened. Make sure they know that nothing has changed; you still care about them just as much as before.

5. Ask how you can help.

Instead of jumping in with solutions, ask what they need. Maybe it’s talking, maybe it’s space, maybe it’s finding support together. Let them take the lead in deciding what feels right.

6. Know your resources.

You don’t have to handle everything on your own. The National Sexual Assault Hotline is always available. Call 800.656.HOPE or chat online at online.rainn.org (also available in Spanish at rainn.org/es).

Why Education Matters

At the Katie Brown Educational Program (KBEP), we believe that learning about consent, respect, and equality can help prevent violence before it occurs. Our Sexual Violence 101 workshop helps young people understand boundaries and how to build safe, healthy relationships.